Sunday, August 31, 2008

Forever the Empath

That's what I like about you.

posted by Ocnarf @ 6:52 AM   0 have spoken

Friday, August 29, 2008


There's more than enough people around you nowadays anyway, which is probably why you can afford to toss your now utterly meaningless words around.

And here I was, stupid enough to believe you actually invested something in the things you said.

Well, no more.

No more.

Dammit, you're obviously more fucking sanguine than I am.

And that's saying something.

And no, I'm not listening to you anymore.

posted by Ocnarf @ 10:40 AM   0 have spoken

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Information Overload

Sound: Papa's playing a playlist of Bukas Palad and whatnot that's been looping over itself the entire afternoon to show off the new digital picture frame he won just this week. Bro's blasting through Filipino versions of Umbrella, With You, Low and New Found Glory songs (which I hate) and Death Cab for Cutie songs (which I like) amidst the pearl drop-ish sounds of his perpetually busy Yahoo Messenger-ing where his friends interrupt him to affectionately call him gago or wassup or any TLA (Three-Letter Acronym) they wish which he gamely responds to with his own affectionate gago and he will reply back and they will go on much like the fashion of sending sweet nothings, but with more testosterone. The built-in speakers of my laptop suck so there's no way my attempt to play Massive Attack on Youtube can compete with the combined sonic dissonance of a digital picture frame drifting through Panalangin ng Pagiging Bukas Palad and a desktop pseudoheadbanging through I Will Possess Your Heart and a bunch of YM pearl drops. When bro gets tired of blasting, he will go to the other side to bang the drums using my headset which I do not wear since it smells so much like the sweat he leaks when he gets too enthusiastic in his banging which is why I have no way to shut the extra noises out.

Sight: The LCD (whee TLA) I am typing into shows this screen with tabs for the aforementioned Youtube attempts, the Friendster Bulletin Board where I am doing surveys for the heck of it which is a short, pretend apathetic way of saying OMG (whee another TLA) I hope somebody reads this and sees how mysteriously interesting a person I am, and of course there's also my own YM, where people are either too busy to be sending sweet nothings to each other or have outgrown the activity or I'm the victim of some sort of conspiracy where everybody else is sending each other their sweet nothings and sending none to me, which is utter bullshit because I believe in their maturity. To prove this, the lone chat window open is the remnant of a conversation with Jin over the assignments for Creative Writing and the question of which requires more effort this semester: Creative Writing class or Acting class?

Touch: My fingers are tapping the smooth plastic of the laptop's keyboard. Every now and then, my thumb goes to the trackpad and uses its not smooth but not exactly rough surface to scroll across the pages and switch between windows.

(None for taste and smell, since I have a cold. Woe if I didn't have one.)

No wonder ADD is such an issue nowadays.

posted by Ocnarf @ 6:33 PM   0 have spoken

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Do not read this unless you're sure that you'll still love me in spite of the following rant


Too much to do too much to read too much to write ergo no time to write right which means you have to fight the time at night when everything's heavy and the only thing you hear are the sound which have always been there but you only notice now there's the whirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr of the computer and the whuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuur of the disk drive when you stick a CD in this time i picked bob marley swing out sister and lighthouse family because theyre cool to have around in the laptop and because theyre good music to chill to the problem with chilling music though is that on one hand it calms you on the other hand it gets you to sleep which i believe is the ultimate waste of time i ean you are said to sleep roughly a third of your life away fuck that fuck this fuck everything else im tired and i know theres so much to do yet im bored and i just read something about people with adhd who dont know how to multitask and im thinking because my hypochondria is sinking in that maybe i too have adhd because and sometimes the temptation to get away from it all whichever way youd want to interpret that and they say intelligent people are more likely to commit all these kinds of things and unlucky me because i have enough chutzpah to classify myself as an intelligent person which is why i sometimes get into bullshit situations and which is why my dumbass of a social science two political theories teacher gives me crap on the exam because shes scared that i know more than her and everybodys scared because im not scared to say what i know and what i dont know and now theres a bird or is it a cricket going chrpchrpchrpchrpchrp in the distance to the left its probably a cricket stupid insects they get into your ears when youre trying to make up for all the sleep you lose over nothing and it is this unproductivity that particularly sucks because you waste time and time as we all know or maybe not because some people are just stupid is of the essence to put it in laymans terms time is the one resource that cannot be replaced ever more than the stupid oil and gas and shit which stinks like hell which is where i will go to if ever i went stupid and considered suicide myself in a big thornbush where every movement i make or try to make will result in me scarring and bleeding myself among a bunch of harpies going harpharpharpharpharpharpharpharpharpharpharp like a lot of people nowadays who just talk and talk and talk but dont say anything stupid people like what slipknot said people are shit even im shit for not knowing why i even put this here but now i put a cd with all sorts of weird stuff in it and it goes whuuuuuuurrrrrr again dammit im going crazy i know im suffering from information overload i need to enter a state of mind where its impossible for me to think and do anything total boredom if youd like to think about it because its been me me me me me me me me me me me me me so far so its your turn its you you you you you you and you and you and you and you and you and maybe you too even if youre a stupid person or fine even though i think youre a stupid person wahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha people always laugh at the end of their statements as if its a way to punctuate themselves its stupid actually you can be sarcastic or sincere or farcical over this internet crap ok i think i have to end this now because this is taking up too much space but what the hell this is my moment yes you see its me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me all over again its me not my stupid bro who cant write a coherent blog entry to save his life or my stupid conservative dad who thinks being raised by a military man gives you the authority to do so with your kids in a sort of stupid reciprocity which does not work because of the dynamic nature of things and people to put it yet again into laymans terms for you noobs is that people change and once i was jacks docile mouth but now i have transformed into jacks screaming head screaming at the world and everything it stands for and i am also jacks crying eye shedding a tear for suicidal anarchists and people who play them in movies to be shown to people for mere entertainment i wish i had the guts to kill myself right now

posted by Ocnarf @ 9:49 PM   0 have spoken