Thursday, April 17, 2008

This explains a lot...

Read the link title, and you'll see what I mean. I hope.

(For a humor site that sometimes borders on the sick, does have its gems)

posted by Ocnarf @ 6:13 PM   0 have spoken

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Lurve Patriarchy: Three score reasons to love being a man

Because I'm feeling trippy. Reposting from Brian's Multiply, just to see how many people (not just members of the opposite sex, mind you) react to these.

1. Phone conversations last 30 seconds
2. You know useful stuff about tanks and airplanes
3. A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase
4. Bathroom lines are 80% shorter
5. You can open all your own jars
6. Old friends don’t give you crap if you’ve lost or gained weight
7. Dry cleaners and haircutters don’t rob you blind
8. When clicking through the channels you don’t have to stop on every shot of someone crying
9. You don’t have to lug a bag of “necessary” items with you everywhere you go
10. You can go to the bathroom without a support group

11. Your last name stays put
12. You can leave a motel room bed unmade
13. You can kill your own food
14. The garage is all yours
15. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness
16. You see the humor in “Terms of Endearment”
17. You never have to clean the toilet
18. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes
19. Wedding plans take care of themselves
20. If someone forgets to invite you to something, they can still be your friend.

21. Your underwear cost $7.50 for a pack of 3
22. None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry
23. You don’t have to shave below your neck
24. You don’t have to curl up next to some big, hairy guy every night
25. If you are 34 and single, no one notices
26. Chocolate is just another snack
27. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat
28. Flowers fix everything
29. You never have to worry about other’s feelings
30. Three pair of shoes are more than enough

posted by Ocnarf @ 9:07 AM   0 have spoken

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Srsly wrd wrtng (or you could always call it experimental)

Three Flash (Non)fictions

Dream I:

Lola, did you see the drinking fountains beside the hotel driveway? Yes, those shiny new metal ones. Well, your new chauffeur pissed into one of them after he opened the door for you, before he drove the car to the parking lot. I tried to stop him, but then he chased me all over the hotel with a knife in his hand and a murderous glow in his eye. When he stopped chasing me I desided that I had to make him pay for his crime so when I caught him shopping with his mom (who looks about your age) at the grocery in the hotel's basement, I walked up and told his mom about what her son did instead of sneaking up and beating him senseless with the teflon frying pan I was holding (heavy duty, they said in the commercials) which what I planned to do before I saw that his mom was with him. What's worse than what her son did was his mom asking me so what's wrong with that before turning her nose up, turning around and walking away as her ears suddenly became completely deaf to my explanations. That's wrong, right?


Lola, please answer me!

Lola, at least tell me if I'm wrong!

If the chauffeur's mom was worse, then this must be the worst.

When by breathing is heavy enough I could burst into tears at any moment, I wake up.

Dream II:

It is an eLBi night, one of those rare nights I am perfectly content, not to mention unbored, with chilling all by myself in my dorm room, when a text message from an unfamiliar number instructs me to go to the NCAS Annex 2. ASAP, it says.

In front of the building I see a circle of people discussing something serious. I recognize a lot of familiar faces as I join the circle: Migy, Nikko (he texted me), Lei, Andie and Charet among the students, Ma'am Giselle and Sir Gupa among the teachers. As a serious Ma'am Giselle and an even more serious Sir Gupa are having a heated argument, Migy whispers to my ear that Sir Gupa is planning a new production for the semester. As he says this, Ma'am Giselle and Sir Gupa quiet down, and Sir Gupa faces me, the expression on his face giving meaning to the term deadly serious. Franco, he says, we're planning a new production. It will be a sequel to Ang Bagong Cristo, we're calling it Ang Bagong Bagong Cristo. Will you be willing to help with the publicity?

I am thinking of an answer when I wake up still thinking of an answer.

Dream III:

My eyes still closed, I move my right hand to stroke the Siamese kitten I know is sleeping beside me. I stroke what is supposed to be the back of its neck when I feel a purring throat there. I open my eyes and look at my side. To my horror, the kitten beside me is sleeping peacefully even if its head and neck are on upside down, its forehead where its chin is supposed to be and its throat where the back of its neck is supposed to be.

Horrified, I jump out of bed, and when I wake up, I've already fallen halfway down to the floor.

posted by Ocnarf @ 12:16 PM   0 have spoken

Thursday, April 03, 2008

Natural Low

And it creeps in. Slowly, but surely. According to schedule. As always.

And it takes on many forms, as many forms as there are people. Different manifestations, almost like symptoms of some mysterious, consequently incurable disease. The malaria, perhaps the bubonic of our age, wreaking havoc beside AIDS for the brutal one-two punch beating: the first hits you in the head when you don't feed your hunger, the second hits you all over your body when you do.

I have always wondered on the timeliness of this phenomenon. Are our body calendars (evolved body clocks, for your information) actually attuned to this, or are the chemical mixtures simply a product of our unfortunate yet inevitable circumstances, victim to the tinge of what we feel more than smell in other organisms?

posted by Ocnarf @ 9:46 PM   0 have spoken